For my Lola, inked with love.
My Lola (grandmother) was known for her rose gardens, both in the Philippines and in Chicago, USA. People would navigate around the neighbourhood, using her rose garden as a landmark.
Whenever I was with lola, our hands were never idle (the devil, y’know). We would either be crafting or gardening. It was usually the latter. Plant new roses, create new sections, take cuttings, prune, deadhead old blooms…I learned all I know about growing roses from her. She was proud of her greenfingers, attributing it to her Ilocano heritage (she cooked an amazing diningding!).
She passed away recently. She went down fighting, there was no other way she would go. Stubborn. I didn’t expect how bad it hit me. And how long it is taking. I felt guilty, I’m not usually one to get a blow and go down. I could hear lola tsking: We are fighters. What are you doing feeling down?
One morning when it was quite hard, I took a pen and started drawing on my shoulder. Like I used to do when I was in middle school. I drew a basic sketch of a rose. Four weeks later, after finding the right artist, deciding on the right style and image, I had a rose inked in.
Everyone heals in different ways. Everyone has different needs when it comes to death. This was mine. And nothing was going to stop me.
Stubborn, as my mom said.
Lola is not here, getting inked doesn’t change that. It’s still hard to deal with.
But I love my rose. It’s like it was always there, under the skin, waiting to bloom.
—
The tattoo was freehanded and then inked by Keven ‘Butch’ Johnson in Ultimate Skin Leeds, recommended to me as the best tattoo parlor in Leeds. A brilliant artist, who was happy to have a great conversation and kept it going for a three hour sitting. Knowing that this isn’t my last bit of bodyart, I probably will be heading over to his shop again soon.
Hannah Dee Said,
March 30, 2010 @ 9:18 am
I like your tattoo even more now I know what it means.
Hannah Dee´s last blog ..Ada Lovelace Day 2010: Julie!
Jess Said,
March 31, 2010 @ 2:19 am
That is a really poignant tribute to your Lola. And true to how we find different ways to cope with loss. I unexpectedly found running therapeutic after the loss of my sister. It’s like I get a second wind when I think of her, if I start to feel tired and out of breath while running.
Jess´s last blog ..Friendly Tiramisu Recipe
witsandnuts Said,
April 4, 2010 @ 11:56 am
What a tribute. I didn’t know you already cut your hair. Is that a shell-y shape I see on your bracelet? So nice!
Happy Easter!
witsandnuts´s last blog ..Fresh watermelon, anyone?
Maria Celina Said,
April 5, 2010 @ 9:54 am
My favourite part of your story is that you started drawing on your shoulder, and your ink marks bore the concept to what you wanted to have immortalised into your skin.
As you know, I also lost a grandfather, well, grandfathers myself over the last year. Incidentally, one of my grandfathers also loved to putter about in the garden. I haven’t had the desire to have a tattoo in remembrance of them (or maybe I will soon, who knows?) but I do have my ways of dealing with the grief, like you do.
Sometimes I get the motions and I find myself scouring ends of the internet for people who have lost grandparents themselves, because I need the emotional reassurance that grief isn’t something people go through alone. The reassurance had to be emotional instead of theoretical. Sure, I know that grief not one to be suffered through alone, but there are times when my emotions aren’t too sure of that fact.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
fortuitous faery Said,
July 5, 2010 @ 6:15 pm
what a beautiful and permanent homage to your lola’s legacy. it’s true that people deal with sorrow in different ways. i believe that continuing the good deeds that our loved ones taught us is a good way of immortalizing them.
fortuitous faery´s last blog ..Feelin The FIFA Fever